A Family Matter

Sickness travels around in our house with the precision of a train route. It starts with one of the kids (almost always Oscar) passing it along to the other one. When they are just about to get better, Aviva picks it up next. Even though Aviva has seen every single communicable disease around, from tuberculosis to shingles to bed bugs, she somehow always succumbs to our kids' little colds. Finally, it gets passed to me who either has a cold for the rest of the winter or keeps it just long enough to pass it along and start the whole process again.

Thankfully, though, my kids have not had any real issues in their short little lives. They have been extremely healthy save for some colds and stomach viruses here and there. But I worry about them. It could just be the reality of parenthood. But I know a lot of it has to do with my genes. Both Crohn's Disease and Colitis have a strong genetic link. The diseases are predominantly seen in Jews of European descent and having a family member with the disease significantly increases your risk. And so the babies will be screened a lot more than the general population, but I'm not really scared of that. I'm not even really nervous about them getting the disease. In twenty years, hopefully they will have a cure in the first place and Crohn's Disease will just be a disease of the past like the Black Plague.

What I'm most nervous about is my kids being nervous. We're obviously a few years away before they notice my scar and start asking questions, but then what? Do I tell them and hope that they don't make the connection to their own frail bodies? Do I hide my health issues and hospital stays from them for as long as I can? I can face the fact of my own mortality, I just fear for them having to realize their fate is also tied into mine.

A few months ago, I had a routine colonoscopy. I have one every year checking for inflammation or any changes in my disease. I've been feeling really great but some of the tests and brushing they sent came back inconclusive for cancer. I also came back positive for Celiac Disease which is odd because I love pizza. The radiologist was almost positive that everything was fine (as was I) but they wanted to do a repeat colonoscopy just to be safe. I wasn't worried, I took the test and I'm sure everything will be fine. But when my kids hear the word cancer, will they assume the worse? Do I hide my procedures, blood tests, and appointments from them or give them full access.

Aviva often says that she wishes she had more of a role during her mother's sickness. She was only 16 when her mother was sick and there really wasn't much she could do. But looking back on it, for her, helplessness equated with inaction. I'm not sure what she would think now as the parent. Our kids are really too young to even think about that. But there will come a time when they'll ask me what that scar is on my chest and I'll have to look in their eyes and tell them. What I'll tell them is anyone's guess.