The Namesake

In Judaism we believe a name carries a lot more weight than the letters that make it. We believe that the name represents the personality of the person. It goes even further, saying the parents of the newborn are injected with a divine spark when naming their child. It is as if G-d plays as much of a role in naming the child as the parents do. So you can imagine how nervous I am that in only a few short months Aviva and I will make our first decision as parents when we name our children. With the name Yannai, you quickly become aware of how important names are. In Hebrew it is loosely translated as “a gift from G-d,” but sadly it wasn’t given with a returnable receipt. See, Yannai is not the easiest name to walk around with and I wanted to get rid of it as soon as I could.

In Jewish history, Yannai was a horrible king who killed hordes of priests from the temple. I’m sure he was just venting anger over his name but it didn’t make things any easier on me. Whenever that horrible name would come up in Jewish History class I’d get stared down as if my parents were monsters for giving me such an evil namesake. I couldn’t agree with the class more but while I was looking for more of an aesthetically pleasing name they were hoping for a spiritually cleaner name. The truth is my parents chose the name from an Israeli naming book and never placed Jewish history as a prerequisite for a name. It’s like naming your son Charlie Manson because it rolls off the tongue easily and then realizing what a tragic mistake that was later.

Shakespeare wrote that a rose is just as beautiful with any other name. Having the name William, I can easily see why he thought that. If Yannai could change his name he’d believe that saying as well. So my mom tells me I wanted to change my name to Chuck. Looking back on it, it’s a bit comical since I don’t think Chuck is any better than Yannai. Chuck was the funny chubby kid in the movie “Goonies,” and I presume I wanted to emulate him. But when I began to understand social standards I decided I wanted to be called Jon. It would also be translated as a “gift from G-d,” but a user-friendlier one. “Jon” and its similar offshoots (John, John, Jonathan, etc, etc.) comprise of the eleventh most common name in America according to the 1990 census. Yannai, surprisingly, was not found at all. Since the turn of the millennium Jon has been on a decline and in 2004 was the, oh no, 17th most popular name in the country. There was John Milton, Steinbeck, Elway, Hancock, Lennon, and Pope John Paul II just to name a few. Jonathan was also a great prophet in Jewish history, which would greatly please the Hebrew school crowd. And since G-d wasn’t sick of giving that name out yet, I decided it’d be fine for me as well.

For the last few months I've been Yellow, though. Both in reality and on this blog, that color really defined what I was going through. But a month after transplant and that's no longer true. Now that I'm back to being pale and white, I know it's time to change my name on this blog. The truth is that I'm not sure what really defines me now. Is it my scar, shaped like a backwards T? In that case I would be Backwards T, T-Bird, Perpendicular, or just Scar. Or is it the loss of my symptoms, such as jaundice and ascites? Then I could be Whitey or Casper.

Of course, we can never really choose our names. Even when I say my name is Jon when ordering take-out, it never feels right. I'm undoubtedly Yannai and I've come to really like my name over time. So maybe my parent’s had something when they supposedly ruined my life at the young age of eight days. Healthy, happy, and with a true gift from G-d, nothing sounds better right now than Yannai.