Making Lemonade

My Ford Taurus and I are both lemons: every couple of weeks a new problem arises and we’re back in the shop. My car is only eight years old but in Ford years that’s closer to half a century. Right now the fan belt is broken, the dashboard lights won’t turn on (not recommendable for night time driving), the hood won’t go down completely, and we can’t find the seat belts in the back of the car. But when I take the car to the shop, undoubtedly it will have a bigger (and more expensive) problem like a leaking transmission (happened already). With Triple A at the top of my speed dial, every time I take the Taurus out for a spin, it’s a mystery whether the car will make it back home.

Of course, I’m no different from the car. Although I’m only 24, I’m closer to turning eighty with my hunched back and myriad of health issues. Every few weeks I’m back to the repair shop at 168^th and Broadway, not knowing whether I need a quick tune-up or a complete service. When I had my major work up last month and upgraded from a Kia to a Lexus, I thought I’d be good for years. But only one week later and I was back at the hospital, that time for repeated fevers and bacteria in my blood. Since then, though, I’ve been running smoothly, hitting my one month liverversary last Friday. But like all lemons, once you pull out of the repair shop, you’re oil light goes on and your tire bursts.

On Saturday afternoon, Aviva, her sister Tova, and I were going out for lunch. Walking down the stairs from our apartment, I got a sharp pain down my leg. Although I hadn’t done anything strenuous, I figured I pulled a muscle. But as the pain increased and Tylenol and Percoset were ineffective, I began to get a little worried. The pain, localized completely on my right leg and pelvis, got so bad that I could barely walk. And then on Sunday night, over a day and a half since the pain began, my right leg began to swell and get extremely cold. After speaking with my hepatologist, Aviva and I came to the emergency department for a tune-up and some body work.

Like all lemons, my problems are always major. A routine ultrasound found that I had developed a large blood clot in my right leg and the doctors are now determining the best course of action to take. Ten years ago, during my first bout of cholangitis, I was found to have blood clots as well. For years after, I was forced to take an injectable medicine to thin my blood and take away the clots. Ironically, it was actually my horrible liver that helped keep away the blood clots the last few years. Cirrhosis of the liver causes a slower clotting time, which ultimately can cause bleeding esophageal varices and other major issues. However, at the same time, it helped thin my blood naturally and keep away any clots. Once I got my upgrade, my clotting factor went back to a normal range, and my genes began to work their magic, ultimately forcing me into a hospital bed at 1 in the morning.

Unlike my Taurus, there’s no cash for clunkers program for a crappy body. And once you upgrade your ride, your car troubles go away. Unfortunately, with a new liver in tow, I’m still driving a lemon. But sitting in the repair shop, who knows, maybe I’ll get lucky and they’ll pimp my ride.